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Theme parks, rain boots, and umlauts. Oh My!

Posted by Mick on June 5, 2010 – 9:31 pm

Hello there.  I haven’t seen you in awhile.

It’s not that I don’t care anymore.  It’s just that I’ve been writing more for the website now, and there have been a few “real world” issues that needed attention.  And I’ve been having fun.  Fun is a priority in my life.  I’ve made it no secret that I have a problem with depression.  Over the years, I’ve noticed a strong inverse correlation between how much fun I’m having and how depressed I am.

As a trained scientist, I understand that I don’t have enough data to state that one causes the other.  One could also make the point that even if there is a causative effect at play here, it’s anyone’s guess as to which factor influences the other.  I personally don’t care either way.  I’m having fun.

Suck it, science.

I was going over Facebook updates before I started this… it’s a little bit of a ritual for me, going over Facebook and Twitter updates before I start writing.  And by ritual, I mean compulsion.  Social networking is all well and good, but I have this compulsion to read everything on my list.  This is all well and good on days where nothing is going on.  Today I was out having fun.  I got behind.  That doesn’t bother me.  What bothers me is sitting down and opening the thing and working my way through… everything.  It makes me want to purge my friends list.  Or ignore some people. And then I feel like a dick for ignoring them.

Did you see what I did here?  I’ve managed to turn Facebook into a quagmire of moral conflicts.  This is where my insomnia comes from.  But that’s another story for another day.  As I was saying, I was going through my friends updates on Facebook, when…

My friend Chris Fuller mentioned that he was going to Six Flags in Arlington tomorrow.  That’s the only real Six Flags, by the way.  The Arlington Six Flags is the original one, and the Six Flags name refers to the six countries that Texas has been a part of.  Hence the name Six Flags over Texas.  It was an apropos name for the park.  And then, out of the blue, there was Six Flags over Georgia?  I’m sorry, but no.  I don’t recall Georgia ever being under Mexican rule.  Or French rule.  Georgia was never it’s own country.  Actually, for all I know, it was.  I don’t know that much about Georgia history.  Why would I?  I’m from Texas.  And I’m just redneck enough to think that’s cool.  I guess I have no real problem with the one in San Antonio having the name, it is at least in Texas, but I do.  Just a little bit.  To me, Six Flags is in Arlington.  Period.  And I want my roller coaster back.  The Big Bend was cool.

I’m digressing again, aren’t I?  Sorry ’bout that.

Chris said he was going to Six Flags.  On a Sunday.  The first Sunday after the end of the school year.  As much as I like amusement parks (excuse me, Theme Parks), I’m thinking I’d have to pass on that day.  Because as much as I like theme parks, I hate kids.  And most adults with kids.  And most adults.  Pretty much anyone except my friends.  And some of my family.

My perfect day at Six Flags would involve the Park only being open to me.  And my friends of course.  And my family.  All of my family, most likely.  I don’t want to deal with the drama of revealing which ones I don’t like.  I don’t have those issues with my friends.  I’m going to be very selective with my friends.

You shouldn’t worry, though.  I like you.  You’re getting in for sure.

One of the other things I’ve chosen to be obsessive about… unnecessary umlauts, sometimes known as metal umlauts.  You do know what I’m talking about, yes?  I’m seeing a few people shaking their heads.  Sigh…

The first use of umlauts in a band name was the band  Amon Düül II.  In this case, however, Düül refers to a character from Turkish fiction, a character whose name actually uses the umlauts.  In this case, they are positively necessary.  The first unnecessary use was by the much more awesome Blue Öyster Cult.

For the slower among you, those two dots above the O in Öyster?  That’s an umlaut.  The word Oyster doesn’t have one.  Or need one.  It’s unnecessary.

Many bands, some fictional, have used the unnecessary umlaut.  Primarily metal bands, hence the sobriquet “metal umlaut”.  That’s enough background.  I return you now to the rest of our story.

Today, two writers for the website submitted an article in which they referenced the band Motley Crue.  Not Mötley Crüe, mind you.  Motley Crue.  The way I see it, if a band cared enough to use an unnecessary umlaut in their name, by god you’d better have the respect to include that unnecessary umlaut when you write about that band.  Even if it’s just Mötley Crüe.

And to wrap this piece up in the most random fashion possible, I truly wish they made these in my size.  I would move to a more rainy climate if they did.

I’m only half kidding.  I also had no idea what they were.  I have since been informed that this is Julius the Monkey, and thus the work of someone named Paul Frank.  None of this meant anything to me.  It’s times like these that I actually feel “old”.  What I really want are these boots with Curious George on them.

Curious George is cooler, by far, than Julius.

And now I must leave you.  I’m off to see The Human Centipede.  Again.  Because I just can’t get enough.  And I’m taking a friend of Tara’s who has never seen the film.  I feel just a little bit dirty.

Be good to each other.


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2 Responds so far- Add one»

  1. 1. Ünnecessary Ümlaut Said:

    Good stuff. Don’t forget about Mötorhead!

    And can’t believe you made it through Human Centipede. That trailer grossed my ass out (no pun intended).

  2. 2. ford lover Said:

    What point is it being black if you cannot get sunburnt.

    Sent via Blackberry

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