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Unwashed hipster, this is for you

Posted by Mick on April 12, 2010 – 12:14 am

I’m so very tired.

In case anyone was wondering, it’s about 11:30 in the PM and I just got home from work.  That sounds late, but to be fair it was after 8 when I went in.  I just had a few last things to do to have the new room ready for tomorrow.  And of course, there were a few unanticipated problems, but there always are.  I anticipate unanticipated problems.

The biggest chunk of today was spent at the Alamo Drafthouse downtown location for the first ever Indiana Jones Trilogy Feast. Karen and the staff at the Ritz always go all out for these events, and this was no exception.  Central to the entire event are the films, the only three Indiana Jones films that matter, the original trilogy (we will not speak of the travesty that was Crystal Skull), shown back to back in glorious 35mm goodness, the way the films were intended to be seen.  Add in a six course feast concocted by chef John Bullington, each dish inspired by a scene in one of the films.  We had snake, we had bugs, we had monkey’s brains, we had eyeball soup.  The monkey’s brains were actually risotto, the eyeballs were pearl onions, but the snake and the bugs were authentic.  If you’ve never tried one of the feasts, trust me, treat yourself nice and go to one.  It’s the best Sunday afternoon you’ll ever spend.

The day would have been perfect had it not been for the actions of a few people.  A few self-important, inconsiderate, rude people.  What is it about movie theater that makes people think it’s ok to talk to their neighbor?  Is the big giant screen with the pictures on it and the loud noises coming from the speakers not enough of a clue for you?  Do you not notice how every one else is watching what’s going on?  I’m sure that what you were saying to your friend was very important, but the rest of us weren’t as interested.  If I had wanted to hear what you had to say, I’d have sent you a text message requesting that you make that information available online for a reasonable price.  I wouldn’t have gone to a movie theater hoping you’d sit near me.

I can also do without the commentary track.  Once again, you may have something interesting to say (you didn’t, trust me, I heard it all and it was insipid, but I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and say that maybe, someday, perhaps in an alternate dimension where stupidity is treasured, you might just have something interesting to say) but I don’t want to hear it right now while the movie is playing.  I paid for the movie.  Perhaps you should go to an open microphone night at one of the local comedy clubs, there are people there who want to hear what you say.  The people in the movie theater, they really don’t.  In fact, it’s just the opposite.  We want to not hear you.

That’s why the nice man stood up before the movie and asked you not to talk.  That’s also why the big huge screen had the big huge letters on it that looked like this:  NO TALKING.

Furthermore, if you know you’re going to be sitting in close quarters with other people for 7 hours, how about maybe taking a shower before you show up?  You may be used to the ripe stench coming from your unwashed torso, but the rest of us were hoping for something a little more… fresh.

The cell phone lights?  Those were not at all distracting.  Oh wait, yes they were.  If you have something important that needs to be taken care of, just step out.  If you’re bored with what’s going on on the big screen at the front of the room, feel free to leave.  But when you take that phone out and light up the screen, I can’t help but see it. And that takes me out of the movie.  Now I’m not enjoying the movie, I’m distracted by the light and activity that you are putting off.  Your actions ruin my experience.  I’m not suggesting my experience is more important than yours, I’m saying I’m in a movie theater trying to watch a movie.  You’re in a movie theater playing on your cell phone.  One of us is doing what you’re supposed to do in a movie theater.  The other one of us is on his cell phone.

Then again, I probably should blame some of you.  If you had been there, smelly hipster talking couple wouldn’t have been sitting next to me.  Thanks for having something better to do.  Never let it happen again, please.  Are we understood?

Be good to each other.

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