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A frickin’ 12-guage, what do you think?

Posted by Mick on April 15, 2010 – 8:01 pm

Damn my memory.

We’ve discussed my memory before.  If you’ve been following this story that is my life, you know that when it comes to memory I am… oh, what word should we use here, how about challenged? I think that works… when it comes to memory, I am challenged.  Retentionally challenged.

My spell checker thinks retentionally isn’t a word.  My spell checker is wrong.

It’s an issue today.  I can’t go into any details, it’s not nice to air your place of employment’s dirty laundry on the world wide web, but suffice to say I was accused of doing something last week.  Which is to say, I was accused today, and what what i was accused of was supposed to have occurred last week.  This thing I’m accused of doing almost certainly was not done by me, because it’s something which is outside the realm of things I’m likely to do.  Very far outside.  Inconceivably so.  It’s as if someone said I shot a dog.

I would almost never shoot a dog.  If I was out on the prairie and my dog was bitten by a rabid wolf and subsequently came down with the hydrophobia… the honorable thing to do would be to shoot the dog, and I would probably shoot it, crying like a little girl as i did it and for about an hour afterward.  Short of that, it’s not going to happen.

Same thing here.  I simply can’t imagine myself doing what was said.  The incident in questioned happened a week ago.  I don’t remember what happened that evening.  This is the point at which I would love to sit down and go over what transpired and see if there was any way it could have been misconstrued, or misunderstood.  But I don’t remember anything.  If there was any interaction, it wasn’t enough to stick with me.  As I recall, it was a rather uneventful evening.  I was getting a few things together for the big move which was taking place the next evening.  Which did in fact take place the next evening.  I remember that.  It was a big deal.

So this whole thing has me just a bit out of sorts.  I shouldn’t even be talking about it here, I know, but I can’t stop thinking about it.  I’m obsessing a little bit.  That’s what I do.  In fact, this is why I’m certain I didn’t do what I’m accused of.  if I had done this thing, I wouldn’t have been able to sleep for the last week.  It would have eaten at me like a cancer.  Or a wolverine.

Yes, a wolverine.  They are voracious, you know.  You don’t know?  Well check THIS out.

That’s a wolverine.  You know what another name for the wolverine is?  Glutton.  Look it up.

So yeah, if I did something untoward, or unethical, it would eat at me.  Like a wolverine.

See, if you’re too big to eat all at once (and you might be, because wolverines have been known to attack and kill caribou and moose but they aren’t very big, 22-55 pounds on average) the wolverine will store your flesh and come back to chew on you some more later.  Eating and eating until there’s nothing left.

Did you see the teeth?  That furry little guy can bite through a piece of frozen meat like a fat kid biting into a grilled cheese sandwich.  CHOMP!

And now we’ve learned something else about me.  I’m easily distracted by animals, especially by carnivorous mammals.  Set me loose researching a carnivorous mammal and my mood immediately improves.  That’s a good thing.

Before I forget once again, I need to tell you about a wonderful thing that happened to our dear friend Joe Goodson, occasionally known by the name Abraxas over on the CyberMonkeyDeathSquad website.  Joe was recently published in Steampunk Tales issue #6.  Steampunk Tales is available to be downloaded for the iPhone, for most eBook readers, or you can get it as a pdf and read it on your computer.  It’s $1.99, and that’s darn cheap to read 9 stories, although to be fair a few of them are continuations from previous volumes.  Joe’s story, Three Things, is a stand alone story, so you can download and read it with no worries about the previous issues.  So do it.  Do it now.  The story is pretty damn good, if you ask me.  Even if you don’t ask me, I’ll tell you.

Thanks for listening.  I feel better now.

Be good to each other.


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