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Dark Shadows

Posted by Mick on March 2, 2010 – 5:34 pm

First things first: Rust Never Sleeps was great. 

The film itself is, of course, amazing.  Watching it last night, I was even more impressed with how the lack of almost any backstage footage keeps the focus of the film where it should be… on the performance. 

Seeing this film on the big screen, projected from a 35mm print, was even better.  I’m not a hater of things digital, not by any means, but there’s something to be said for analog, particularly when you’re revisiting the classics.  Analog is more organic.

I’m open to the possibility that my love of analog is a remnant of my upbringing.  My first experiences were pre-digital, so perhaps it’s natural that I find it more appealing.  I’m open to that possibility, but I don’t believe it.  Sound is a wave-form.  Taking that wave-form and converting it to finite slices of data is a lossy process.  No matter how small you make the pieces, you’re still losing something in the translation. 

I’m not saying digital is bad, or wrong, I’m just saying it’s different. 

I loved the scratches and drop outs in the print.  I loved the occasional pops and clicks in the sound track.  It just felt “right” for Neil.  If you missed it, I’m sad for you, because you may never get the chance again.  Digital is the future, boys and girls.

Maybe, just maybe, this is why I’m depressed today.  It’s not, but it would be a much better story if it was.

No, sadly, the reason I’m depressed today is almost certainly due to the fact that I have a tendency to be depressed.  Mild depression is pretty much my status quo, and I’ve learned to accept it, even to ignore it most of the time.  Some days the depression gets worse.  Today is one of those days.

I take solace in the fact that depression seems to be a trend amongst writers.  I’m too much of a scientist to speculate on how many writers suffer from depression, or on why writers get depressed, but I’m not the only one to make this claim, it’s even been covered in Scientific American(so you can’t dispute me).  All I know is that I’ve wrestled with depression as far back as I can remember, at least since I was 16.  Much like my insomnia, I didn’t put a name to it until I was in college because I didn’t realize that my experience was different from everyone else’s.  I assumed that everyone went through what I went through, so imagine my shock when I discovered otherwise. 

That’s not what I came here to tell you about, though.  I came here to tell you I’m having one of those days.  I’m in my dark place.  The world is shrinking around me, the future looks bleak, the worst is about to happen, I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I want out.

And this is me, looking at what I’m doing and taking a step back.  I am depressed.  Intellectually, I uunderstand that sometimes my depression is not a symptom of things being wrong in my life, it’s the cause of things “seeming” to be wrong in my life.  Life is actually pretty sweet right now.  If we remove my career from the mix, life is better than it’s ever been right now.  I have a wonderful wife who is my best friend, my partner, my soul-mate.  I have incredible friends who mean the world to me, friends who I know I can trust, friends who are as close or closer than family.  I have family.  Family that I am close to, family I can rely on, family with a minimum of drama. 

There’s always some drama with family, but I’ve seen your family, and mine is tame in comparison.  I appreciate that.

This is me, using my craft to remind myself that the depression is coming from inside.  I can wallow in it.  I’m really good at that.  I’ve seen me do it.  Or, I can recognize it for what it is.  It doesn’t make the darkness go away, but it strips it of much of it’s power. 

Now, on to happier news.

Tonight I will attend a screening of Birdemic: Shock and Terror.  I’ve mentioned it before, I’ve posted the trailer, look it up yourself if you have no idea.

I have also made a decision/  CyberMonkeyDeathSquad.com will be coming back.  I’m working out the details with my webmaster.  The format will most certainly change, but that should allow me to give the writers more freedom, which should allow me to add a few new writers.  It will also free me up to actually do more writing on the site.  Hopefully, it will become something we can all be proud of again.  I’ll give you more news as I know more myself.

I’m done for today.  Be good to each other.


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