Subscribe via feed.

Won’t get fooled again

Posted by Mick on February 21, 2010 – 9:32 pm

Right now, I’m supposed to be working on my script.  And I am, I really am.  In a weird sort of way.

I’m having a hard time getting started, but I’m almost there.  I couldn’t figure out what to do, nothing was working, so I took a field trip to the living room and watched some Egyptology on the television with my lovely wife.  Inspiration struck, as it usually does, I thought I knew the approach I should take, so I tried it.  It worked, so I headed back to the office.

Where I immediately picked up my guitar and played.  Just like yesterday.  I turned up a Todd Snider song I’ve been trying to learn and started playing along.

I’m not very good.  I also have no illusions that I will ever be very good.  And I’m totally cool with that.  I probably could be decent if I really worked at it.  I just don’t have the drive to be that good.  I play the guitar for me.  I don’t want to be good, I just want to be good enough to enjoy myself.  I like being able to pick it up and play a few things when I’m in the mood to play.  I like to pick it up and work on a song when I’m actually seeking inspiration for something else.  When I’m sitting here staring at a blank screen, or an empty sheet of paper, I reach for my guitar.  After a few minutes, it’s like a different window opens up in my head, I’m thinking differently, and I know how to say what I want to say.  Or I realize I want to say something different.

And for now, it’s primarily a solo thing.  I’m very uncomfortable playing in front of anyone.  I’m very uncomfortable playing with someone else.  That may change in the future, I don’t know, but for now it is what it is.  And what it is is really damn good for my soul.

That’s how we got where we are right now.  I was playing, and I started thinking about how happy I am that I have this now.  It’s relatively new.  And I got where I am through the help of one of the best friends I’ve ever had, Naj Conklin (sometimes known as BitterMF).  He helped me pick out my guitar, he taught me how to tune, he taught me my first chords and scales, he taught me my first song.  I think that I probably let him down quite a bit.  I’m sure he thought I’d become a prodigy and be gigging with him by now.  Instead I was lazy and didn’t work very hard and got just good enough to fuck around sitting at my desk.  I’m sure I’ve developed many bad habits.  I’m sure if I had worked a bit harder I’d know what they are.

I hope he understands that, even though I didn’t live up to my potential, it’s become a source of inspiration and introspection, as well as the cheapest therapy I’ve ever had.

And now, back to work!

Be good to each other.

This post is under “Personal” and has no respond so far.
If you enjoy this article, make sure you subscribe to my RSS Feed.

Post a reply

Get Adobe Flash playerPlugin by wordpress themes